Attack of the Sweet Tooth: Memories of Halloween Candy

Just in the nick of time for the big night itself, here's the one thing most kids remember....

Trick or Treat!

I've talked a lot over the years, every October in fact, about various things Halloween related. I've talked about movies and games, costumes and cartoons. I've even talked about the spiritual and historical significance of a day that, to me, happens to be just about the "holiest" day there is. But one thing that every kid who has ever celebrated the big night remembers, THE one thing that every kid who has ever been lucky enough to "Trick or Treat" remembers, is also the one thing most associated with the  (commercial aspect) of the holiday. For many adults, it's (sadly) either drinking in a dumb costume, or (more awesomely) watching horror and monster movies. But let's be real here. For kids, and just in general, the ONE thing that stands out in most people's memories of Halloween...is Candy.

For better and for worse, "Trick or Treating" and Halloween candy are the things that stick with us our whole lives, no matter what else changes. Even when the ToT-ing stops, because kids get "too old" (if you ask me, NO ONE should be too old, but certainly not teens), they still remember the candy. And most adults buy candy to give out to kids, as a guise to have that sweet, sweet tooth-rotting goodness for themselves as well. I myself have briefly touched on the subject before, but I thought that candy was important enough, and synonymous enough with the holiday, that I'd be remiss if I didn't write a piece dedicated to it, and more specifically, to my memories of it.

Everyone's favorite?

Pictured above, you can see what is perhaps the most iconic "Halloween Candy". Meaning it is perhaps the most closely associated with the holiday, and with "Trick or Treating". That doesn't mean that everyone loves the stuff. In fact, many don't. I myself am somewhat ambivalent to it. I liked it and ate it as a kid, but I wouldn't say it excited me, and they were hardly my favorite. That being, so-called "candy corn", and the pumpkin variants there-of. There were, in my childhood as I recall, other "flavors", sort of, such as ones with chocolate flavored tips. I'd say that they aren't terrible, though they do seem to be the butt of many Halloween candy related jokes. But love them or hate them, there is no denying that there really is no specific candy more associated or more iconic of Halloween, than this stuff.

Now if you want to talk BAD Halloween candy...

How bizarre.

How insidious...

How gross!

From top to bottom, what we have here are: Wax Lips, Candy Cigarettes, and Circus Peanuts. I will start by saying that as far as the candy cigarettes go, I don't clearly remember if I myself ever actually got any for Halloween. And I'd imagine most responsible parents wouldn't be thrilled if their kid got any, either. I DID however, get these multiple times as a little kid, from my chain-smoking grandmother no less. They basically taste like sweetened chalk, and as if it weren't obvious, were created, most likely, by some cigarette company or another, as a means of getting some "early starters", so to speak. To give kids the idea that smoking is "cool", and start them young. I myself, while I'm sure deep down my grandmother absolutely didn't want me to ever start smoking (even though she had no problem smoking AROUND me for the first 10+ years of my life), she still bought me these on occasion when I was basically toddler or pre-school age. And you know what? I definitely imitated what I saw my grandmother doing, puffing on them and pretending to smoke them, before I'd actually eat them (because they weren't all that good as candy). And I DEFINITELY thought they were pretty cool at that age, and thought I was cool to be "smoking" them. So I know first-hand, while I've never taken up actual smoking because it's fucking disgusting, the affect these forsaken objects can have on impressionable children.

As for the others, well...what is there to say about Wax Lips? I seem to vaguely remember OTHER, non-lip-shaped wax "candies" as a kid, but these are the ones that stick out, and the most famous. I clearly remember these popping up in store displays during my childhood Octobers, and while I didn't love them by any means, I did seem to get them more than once. To be perfectly honest, it isn't really accurate to say that Wax Lips taste "BAD". Because they don't. They just kinda don't taste...much at all. They certainly have a flavor, of sorts. Waxy. But as far as sweetness goes, while it's THERE, it's very subtle.You're basically just chewing wax, after holding the thing between your lips and pretending they were YOUR lips for a bit first. Whoever came up with these things, I'd put them right up with with "My Pet Rock" (I had more than one of those as a kid too), as being the most successful, truly DUMB ideas in history.

Lastly, we have the scourge known as "Circus Peanuts". Even as a kid, while I liked most candies I ever encountered at least a little, and while I DID eat these many times, I never genuinely liked them much. The main reason for this is...they're just not very good. Granted, SOMEONE, somewhere on planet Earth must think they're great, because they're still around, still manufactured, to this day. But I couldn't tell you why, except that some people must have weird ass taste. Speaking of taste, if you've never encountered these things in your own life, they basically taste like, to put it bluntly, stale marshmallows. Which is basically what they are, as far as I'm concerned. They have the flavor and texture of a marshmallow that has maybe been sitting out for a long time, and they're kinda tough, and kinda chalky, and just really...bleck. Moving on...

An early childhood favorite.

Child Crack.

Yup.

For a few more odd or obscure Halloween items, I present to you: Necco Wafers, Pixie Sticks, and last but certainly not least...Popcorn Balls. As far as the Neccos go, they really were a favorite of mine as a kid. Some of my very most favorite things when I was between the ages of, let's say, 3 and 6 years old, were Fig Newtons, Squirt soda, and Necco Wafers. I especially loved the "chocolate" flavored ones, that you could find in their own exclusive package. To be perfectly honest, Necco Wafers aren't especially great. They are, as one might imagine, fairly chalky, and the flavors are fairly subdued. I'd say that they taste less strongly, and probably less pleasant, than something like Sweet Tarts, a similar product. But for some odd reason as a child, I really really liked them.

Pixie Sticks are something I'm sure most kids are familiar with, and to put it simply, they are really just sugar in a closed-off straw. That's really basically it. Some kids absolutely love these things to death, and it's not hard to see why, because it's essentially skipping the bullshit and trappings of what candies of any sort really are. and just giving the common base element straight: sugar. Which is why they are also essentially childhood crack. I myself didn't LOVE them, oddly enough. As a kid, I guess I preferred the trappings and the bullshit, I liked various shapes and flavors, and apparently didn't just want to eat straight sugar.

The last, is something that I have a feeling younger kids nowadays are likely less and less familiar with. They still sell them in some stores, and I'm going to take a stab in the dark and imagine that there MUST still be some adults out there who might hand out home-made ones to "Trick or Treaters". But Popcorn Balls are a genuinely odd duck. They aren't BAD as a concept. And sometimes, if you're lucky, they're not bad as a reality either. It's just that when you get a bad one, you get a BAD one. They're generally supposed to be what they look/sound like: a bunch of popcorn, stuck together in a ball shape by some kind of sugary glaze. If you're unlucky, you'll get ones that taste stale as hell, as I feel like I must have. Because while I definitely liked popcorn as a kid, I really never cared for these damn things. And regardless, I feel like most kids were probably disappointed, when they got non-candy items like these, in place of that sweet childhood gold they were REALLY after.

More traditional hard candies.

Gum Drops.

Various candy bars.

Pictured here, are, besides Candy Corn, what I'd consider more "traditional" types of Halloween candy. Hard candies were, when I was a kid in the 80s and early 90s, a fairly common thing to get for Halloween. I have no idea what "Trick or Treaters" get from people now, but if what my roommate buys to give out every year is any indication, I'd imagine they get a lot less of these types, or the weirder fare that I've already shown, and a lot more of the name brand candy bars and stuff that most stores tend to sell in huge (often expensive) packs now. Granted, not all hard candy, or Gum Drops or what-have-you, are great. But I think there is something to be said for variety, and for the air of mystery involved in your Halloween candy, versus basically getting the same limited set of stuff from most houses. As an aside, I'd like to point out that for a certain duration of my pre-teen and early teen childhood, I fuckin' LOVED Butterfinger bars. But as I got older, I got really tired of them sticking in my teeth constantly, and frankly, I fell out of love with their "not really peanut buttery" flavor.

Childhood Gold.

The King of Off-Chocolate Taffy Stuff.

Weird, fun, and delicious!

Peanuts stuck to caramel = genius.

The only flavors that existed when I was a kid.

Cool, minty, refreshing!

THE best, for Halloween, Christmas, or any time.

So, this cavalcade of candy pictures embodies most of my top favorites to get as a kid. THESE were the true gold I was after, and ever-hopeful for, when I would go "Trick or Treating". On a random side-note, as a kid I always associated the York Peppermint Patties with the Peanuts (Charlie Brown) character Peppermint Patty. Eating them always made me think of her. Weird, but hey.

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, it goes without saying, are godly. I have loved them my whole life, hands down. But while some may find it odd, I have always, ALWAYS preferred the "mini" cups pictured above, instead of the bigger, normal ones. Not that I didn't LIKE the bigger ones. But I just always liked the small ones better. I guess to me it was a perfect chocolate-to-peanut-butter ratio. I've always liked Reese's Pieces (made famous in the film E.T.) as well, though I don't know if any of you have noticed, the peanut butter in those things does NOT taste the same as in the cups. And I've always preferred the cups. They remain one of my top favorites to this very day.

Starburst were more of a childhood favorite, with me liking them less as I got older. Not that I DIS-like them now. But a combination of eventually becoming diabetic (not because of candy), and eating candy less and less in general, saw them drop off as I hit adulthood. But let me tell you, four flavors or not, in the early-to-mid-90s, these things were my jam. And yeah, I probably did like the pink ones best, though to be fair, I really did like the yellow, where some claim not to.

Tootsie Rolls are also something that I came to love less as I got older. Not because I grew to dislike the flavor, I still like how they taste, that weird, off-chocolate taffy type flavor. But similar to Starburst, I just ate them gradually less and less, till now I hardly ever touch them. But again, as a kid, I absolutely adored these things. I've always preferred the smaller, "bite sized" ones, but the longer ones, and especially getting the rare "KING Sized", was pretty exciting. I also remember the non-chocolate flavors they had, such as vanilla, and a few fruit flavors. Those were all pretty good, though I never loved them nearly as much as the traditional chocolate.

As far as Nerds go, I'm sure people exist who don't, but WHO honestly doesn't love these things?  They were pint-sized bits of hardened, flavored sugar. In the shape of silly creatures no less. And came in boxed that usually had two different flavors, so somehow you felt like you were getting more "bang for your buck", to so speak. I seem to remember these things coming into existence during my lifetime, and it would seem I'm correct. I really don't remember having them till the late 80s, at the earliest, but it would appear that they came into existence in 1983. If you've never had Nerds, do yourself a favor, go grab a box, if only to experience them once in your life. It's a Bucket List sort of deal. And who knows, you MAY just love them.

Payday bars were something I don't really remember getting until the 90s, my later childhood years, though it seems they've been around quite a long time. If you've never had one, it's pretty simple: peanuts, literally rolled around a stick of caramel. To be perfectly honest with you, I have never LOVED caramel. It is good in small measure, WITH certain other things. But it's never been my favorite on its own. However, Payday bars are the ONE exception, considering most of what the bar is, is caramel. But to be perfectly fair, and to give credit where it is most certainly due, it is the PEANUTS that bring the party to your mouth. The salty, peanut-y goodness, is what makes all the caramel bearable, and the caramel is just there to get those peanuts into your gullet. The two flavors go great together, I'll admit. But it really is the peanuts that make the bar.

And last but DEFINITELY not least, are the phenomenon known as "Assorted Mini Hershey Bars". These things were a staple of both Halloween and Christmas during my childhood, and I looked forward to them every year. Regular, plain-ass milk chocolate Hershey is pretty decent, and something I'm nostalgic about, at least in "Kiss" form (Hershey Kisses were something I really only got or associated with Christmas as a kid). But it was the three OTHER kinds that you wanted, always. Krackle and Mr. Goodbar are basically the same thing with a different added ingredient. Krackle is milk chocolate with Rice Crispies (the cereal) basically, and they're pretty swell. My preferred of the two, though, was Mr. Goodbar, which instead had peanuts. I guess I just like peanuts.

Food of the Gods.

But my FAVORITE, by far, perhaps in part because they always seemed more rare than the others, were the "Special" Dark Chocolate ones. Either in bar, or in my adult years especially in "Kiss" form, I will admit, I adore Hershey's Dark Chocolate. It is my favorite KIND of Dark Chocolate, in point of fact. Both because I am nostalgic for it from my childhood, but also because I just like the way it tastes. I have, just to let it be known, had other, more expensive and fancier, even EUROPEAN kinds of Dark Chocolate. And it has been brought to my attention by chocolate snobs, that Hershey's (or if they're extra-snotty ANY American-made chocolate), is "garbage". But hey, you know what? Fuck those people. Because I love Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate, and I prefer it over the fanciest Euro shit I have yet to ever put upon my taste buds. I'll stand by that one, hardcore: Hershey's Dark Chocolate fuckin' ROCKS!

Not to be forgotten.

"Back in MY day..."

I'd like to give a quick shout out to the "round candy-shelled drops of goodness" variety of candies, lest I be accused of forgetting. I've already mentioned that I liked, and still like, Reese's Pieces, though as previously stated, the "peanut butter" within those candy shells, simply does not taste the same, nor as good (to me), as in the cups. I also loved (and still like) Skittles, which of course, to my memory, during my childhood in the 80s and early 90s, what you see above is what you got. I may be wrong, but I'm PRETTY sure that all I ever saw or had as a kid, was the regular ass Skittles. All the billion other flavors didn't start coming on until the later 90s, I think. And the cartoon ad for the M&Ms, I included to illustrate the same. To my recollection, the only varieties of M&Ms, the BEST varieties of M&Ms, that existed, up until the mid-90s and my early teen years, were regular and peanut. Peanut, perhaps not surprising and part of an obvious trend here, are my favorite kind. Well...almost...I also happen to REALLY love the Dark Chocolate kind.

Anyone who would ever do this, should be shot.

So I can't wrap this sugarpocalypse up, without first talking about the way you GOT this candy on Halloween night, as a kid. To me, though as with most things my experience was odd or limited thanks to my grandmother, "Trick or Treating" was a magic all its own. I'm sure most kids feel some fashion of the same way. The whole ordeal, the entire package experience, was pretty great. You got to dress up in some goofy, or weird, or if you were really lucky, cool costume. If you were UNLUCKY, as I was a couple of years, you were either poor as fuck, and/or your parental figure is just lazy or has bad taste, and won't let you pick your own costume. In that case, you might get stuck with a SUPER shitty costume, like that of a crappy clown, or cowboy. But I digress, regardless, the dressing up part was, while hardly the MAIN event of the evening, pretty damn cool. Then you got to go out, AT NIGHT (or in the evening), when the weather was finally getting colder (if you, like me, lived in California, at least). You got to go around, in my case always with adult supervision (which sucks when you're a kid, but as an adult, I get it), to various neighborhoods, in my case always of total strangers. You got to see other kids' costumes. You got to, if you were lucky, see various manner of cool (and sometimes even scary) Halloween decorations, which could range from cheap and tacky, to incredibly elaborate. And best of all, to most kids anyway, you got to go up to people's doors, and ask them for FREE candy, which they usually gave you.

It was all at once both thrilling, and a bit scary, to go knock on complete strangers' doors, hoping they'd give you that sweet glory you were dreaming of. The mystery and anticipation of it all was, in a way, half of the fun. The general "rule" was, that if a porch light was on, USUALLY, this meant you were welcome to knock. If not, then no-go. But this wasn't universal, as some of the folks who were more into it than others, who went all out with decorations, would have the light off to be "spookier", and so you had to kind of go with your (or your grandmother's) gut, when it came to reading the situation. All in all, from what I can remember, I seem to recall good, mostly positive vibes from my "Trick or Treating" experiences.

In fact, probably the worst I had, was the last year I did it, October 1995, when I was almost 14. Two of my friends and I, also young teens, went "Trick or Treating", like any other year, expecting to have the same fun experience. Except that, while we DID still get some candy, and to be fair maybe we picked a bad neighborhood, we ran into a FAIR few houses that would either be a bit snotty but still give us candy, or some that outright REFUSED to give us any. In all of those cases, it was always the same shit: "Aren't you a little OLD to be doing this?" And frankly, I'd just like to state, for the record, that that attitude and practice of ostracizing teenagers who want to keep "Trick or Treating", is complete bullshit. The idea that giving out candy should ONLY be for younger kids? Incredibly lame. But worse yet, is the accompanying snottiness, as if they're trying to shame young teens for "being too old" to still want free candy and have fun. It's like, what would society rather have? Teens out committing crime, doing drugs, and who knows what else? Or would they rather let teens who WANT to still "Trick or Treat", do so with open welcome, treating the TEENS with just as much friendliness and kindness as the younger children. What a concept, right?

Last but not least, as the picture above alluded, is a phenomenon that I myself, thankfully, never experienced. Though because my grandmother was an over-protective hawk about most things, I still lived under the spectre of the fear that it COULD happen. And that is, the fact that apparently, while most treat it as an "Urban Myth", there ARE in fact some heartless, sadistic, shitbag assholes out there, who will actually try to basically "booby trap" the candy they give out. By putting sharp things, or even something like POISON, hidden in the candy. To deliberately hurt innocent kids who are just trying to have fun on a special night. The very idea, that grown ass adults would find it amusing to try and ruin Halloween for kids, but worse yet, actually seriously HURT these kids? That is beyond fucked up. I won't linger on the subject, but let's just let it be known, anyone who would do that to kids, or anyone really, should at the very least, have every bone in their body broken.





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So with that, I'll end this diabetes-inducing article. I likely have more candy memories than I've shared, many other sweets that I experienced growing up, like taffies, and Twizzlers, and gummies, and "Chocolate Truffles" (hot DAMN), etc. etc. etc. But I think I've left a pretty good amount laid out there as it is. If you're an adult, I'd say to make sure, if you're going to bother, to try and make the "Trick or Treating" experience as safe, and welcoming, and friendly, and fun, for the kids as possible. And if you're taking kids "Trick or Treating" yourself, obviously, it goes without saying, to make sure they have fun, but also that they stay safe! I hope everyone has a great, electricity powered, safe, and fun-filled Samhain night. And as always, make sure to watch (or show others) some classic Halloween-type cartoons and movies!